Motherhood has changed my life dramatically. Read about my motherhood journey in my About Me page. Mostly for the good, but I have done some things as a mom that are truly disgusting. Keep in mind I️ am a nurse. I️ have had my hands in open guts, been covered in blood and cracked ribs to keep a person alive. Nothing; I️ mean nothing come close to these 5 gross things I️ have done as a mom.
Picked a Booger and Got Excited
Ever since starting daycare, we have been in runny nose hell. Nugget is always sniffling, pulling at her ears or coughing. Needless to say I️ am always chasing her with Boogie Wipes. Do you know about Boogie Wipes? They are incredible and tolerated by ever active 15 month olds! I️ digress. So, I’m chasing my little one (see picture above) around trying to catch running snot and there it is. The biggest, greenest booger sitting in her nose. It’s taunting me. It knows I️ can’t get it because she is always on the move. Challenge accepted booger. Challenge accepted. (PS- this conversation actually happened in my head as I️ was planning a sneak attack. I️ don’t get out much) I️ circled around her back, hooked her nose and got it! Mom -1 Booger – 0. Winner winner!!
Eaten Regurgitated Food
This one I️ am not proud of. It happened before I️ knew what I️ was doing and I️ May or may not have gagged a bit. Nugget has a habit of trying new foods by chewing them, spitting them out and then trying them again. We were trying hamburger and sure enough she was in the middle of her routine and I️ picked up the bite and ate it. Before my brain could process what I️ was doing it was too late. I️ had chewed and swallowed it. Cue the gagging. Now I️ am screaming, Nugget is laughing and Jethro is barking. Not a moment I thought I️ would share with anyone yet here I️ am. It was a slow moving train I️ couldn’t stop!
Hand Expressed Breast Milk like it was a Water Gun
As I was weaning Nugget off of Breast feeding, my boobs were so engorged and hurt. I️ was trying to relieve some of that pressure in shower and a stream of milk shot out. And, in that very instant target practice was born. Every night I️ would try and beat my old record from the night before. My husband thought lack of sleep had taken over my mind and body and turned me into a delirious fool. I️ would stand at the edge of the shower and laugh hysterically at my range. Have I️ mentioned I️ don’t get out much?
Licked a Dirty Pacifier
Yep. I️ am talking mall bathroom floor dirty. Yep. Moms, have you ever had a screaming little one losing their ever loving mind in public and the only thing stopping you from sweet sweet silence is a dirty pacifier? Did not even think twice. Popped that sucker in my mouth, gave it a rinse and bright peace to all. Gross? Absolutely. Would I️ do it again? In a heart beat. Judge me all you want, but I️ would bet there are some gross things you have done too!
Caught Vomit in My Hand
This one is the least gross in my mind. I️ deal with vomit quite often in my job so it doesn’t bother me as much as others. And, when your Nugget doesn’t feel well and starts to be sick you reach out your hands and catch it. I️ would rather clean my hands than clean the sofa, the floor and a sick kid. I can hear the groans now but I promise no one wants to clean puke out of couches, carpets and clothes.
I️ am not proud of what I️ have done but I’m a mom and I️ would do anything for my sweet girl. I️ imagine there are more gross things in my future. What about y’all? What gross things have you been too shy to say out loud? This is a judgement free zone!! Comment below.